Coffee Chats: Approaching the Topic of Therapy with Noël Shipp, LSW

Coffee Chats: Approaching the Topic of Therapy with Noël Shipp, LSW

Therapy can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be! Check out our interview with Noël Shipp, LSW on how to approach the topic of Therapy.

Spooky season is upon us! In honor of the most frightening time of the year, we are tackling a topic that can often scare people away: Going to Therapy. So grab a blanket, sit back with a mug of hot apple cider, and settle in for our Coffee Chat with Noël Shipp, LSW on Approaching the Topic of Therapy.
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• Can you tell us a little about yourself and your relationship with therapy?

Noël: Yeah! So I am a social worker in Philadelphia, (I’ll be working for PsychPhilly soon!) and I work as a therapist at Haverford College right now. 

As a therapist, I think that being in therapy is really, really important. I think the term self-care gets tossed around a lot, and it’s kind of made its way into more popular culture: watching Netflix, doing a face mask, taking a bath, etc. But for me, therapy is really an integral piece of self-care. I think that’s important to remember because it can be really hard to find a therapist but once you find one that works for you, it’s really game-changing.

• Would you say there are any “signs” to look for in yourself or in others that may lead to seeking or suggesting therapy?

Noël: I think a lot of people go to therapy to address certain symptoms they might be experiencing. When a person is experiencing anxiety, depression, or something that is interfering with their day-to-day functioning, that is a pretty obvious sign that it might be time to seek some help. 

Important life changes such as going through a breakup, experiencing loss, moving to a new place, really any time in your life where you find you could benefit from more support is a great time to seek out therapy. 

(For loved ones), perhaps if you’re noticing a change in the way someone is presenting, a change in their thinking patterns, they are withdrawing, or maybe they’re relying a little bit too much on you emotionally. Those can be signifiers for underlying or deeper-seated issues. 

All of this being said, I think therapy at any time is beneficial. It’s healthy for someone to have a therapist or clinician in their life that they can unload on without feeling like a burden. It can also help you gain better insight into yourself, and who wouldn’t want that?

• Would you say there is a “good time” or a “good way” to broach a conversation with someone regarding therapy or seeking out help?

Noël: I think it really depends on your relationship with the person. I think it’s helpful if you have personal experience with therapy to share how the experience has helped you personally, notating similarities in what you’ve been through and explaining why you think therapy would be a good fit. 

If someone is expressing distress, that’s a good time to say “this could be a good time to have more support”. I think the phrasing is really important. Try to avoid phrases such as “you need help” or “talk to someone”. Instead, leaning on the benefit of added support while bringing in your personal experience when possible is helpful. Therapy can provide that support by creating a space that is JUST for you.

• What if someone resists or pushes back? Is that to be expected? 

Noël: I think that it just really, really depends on the person and their exposure to mental health treatment. You know, in my circle, everyone I know is already in therapy.

I would walk into this conversation without expectation. The person you are talking to may not understand or fully buy into it immediately because there is a lot of stigma, and despite how you might feel about therapy, it isn’t fair to project that feeling onto someone else. 

To that point, if they do push back, I would remind them that therapy will always be there if/when they’re ready, and if they need support when the time comes, you’ll be there too.

• In your experience, would you say it is more difficult for members of marginalized communities or certain demographic groups to seek out or be open to the suggestion of therapy?

Noël: Yeah, absolutely. There is a lot of stigma, speaking specifically to people of color, like Black and Latino communities. I’ve also worked with a lot of students from China who never had the opportunity to access therapy until they came to college. 

I think within the queer community as well there is a fear that they will be misunderstood or won’t be seen in the way that they want to be. That can be really harmful. 

I don’t want to speak for people with a disability, but with mental health being so intertwined for better or for worse with medicine, people who interact with health systems often have been treated so poorly that it’s really hard to disentangle the two.

There is this narrative that signifies that you’re weak, or that you should be able to grin and bear it, or that you need to be fixed if you’re in therapy. The core of that narrative is just so wrong. We are not in therapy to be fixed. We are in therapy to build insight skills that will allow us to live fuller and healthier lives. 

• What level of involvement do you feel is appropriate to aid in someone’s search for therapy? 

Noël: This is a really interesting question that made me think a lot. Of course, developmentally, if you’re a parent and you have an adolescent who might need help, I think it’s more than appropriate to seek care on their behalf. I think that this probably happens a lot in romantic partnerships as well. 

What I will say is, I think it’s fine, if someone is already feeling overwhelmed, they might not be equipped to do the rigorous research that it might entail. So initiating that search for someone is great, but it’s such a personal endeavor, that calling and talking to a therapist should probably be done by the client. I also think there is something to the client initiating the process signifying that they are ready for that next step. If they’re totally passive in the process, I would worry about their commitment at that time.

• If someone in a partnership wants to seek counseling together, how would you suggest going about that?

Noël: Having a conversation with really clear reasons for why you think this next step is necessary is really important. If you are initiating this idea, prepare for the conversation while making room for the other person’s feelings and opinions. Make sure they feel included when selecting a clinician and finding someone that you both feel really good about.

• Similarly, If someone in the partnership is resistant, should the person suggesting keep trying?

This is a tough one. If you’ve given your clear reasons for why you think therapy is a necessary next step and your partner disagrees, what are the compromises that the partnership is agreeing to instead of therapy? 

If the answer is “not right now”, can you agree to a conversation that will happen in two months if things don’t improve? Or if one person is really eager to be in therapy with their partner, it’s never a bad idea to start with solo therapy and get support through that process. Finding a way for both parties to feel like they’re seen and heard is key. I don’t think that there is a right or wrong answer. 

• Do you think telehealth/ virtual therapy has made it easier or harder for people to seek out help?

Noël: I think it’s made it SO much easier to seek out help. Telehealth is way more convenient: it takes way less time to hop on your computer than drive to a place. Therapy can also be really hard for some people so I think that the physical distance that telehealth provides can make it easier. You’re able to talk more openly than maybe you would if you were staring each other down in the same room.

Logistically, the literal physical barrier of those living in rural or suburban areas is eliminated with telehealth. There is a huge opportunity there for people that are not lucky enough to live in Philly and have millions of therapists at their disposal.

I also believe that there are cons. You can’t always speak freely in a private place, and some aspects are lost in the virtual interaction. Most of us are spending our entire days in front of a screen, so I sort of miss the break that in-person provided. 

My preference? I really value the convenience that telehealth provides my clients. I think it allows for greater diversity in the people that I’m able to see. However, it’s harder to be attuned to body language or energy in a room: things that I have definitely used while practicing in person that I’m unable to access anymore.

• What can we do to destigmatize this experience for those that are hesitant?

Noël: Change the narrative. There is this narrative that therapy is only for certain people. There is less messaging about the fact that therapy can really be anything that you want it to be when you find the right provider. There’s this idea that it’s a privilege, or it’s capitalist, and a lot of other interesting ideas about what therapy is… Bottom line: Everyone wants to be better supported. So, I think we need to change the way that we talk about it.

• You’ve mentioned “finding the right therapist” a few times, would you like to expand on that process a little? Is it okay to have a session and decide you want a new provider? What are some things to look out for?

Noël: Totally, I think that if you find the right therapist on the first try, I’m so happy for you. That’s amazing! But, I think that finding the right therapist is a little bit like dating. It’s relying on your intuition and the connection that you feel. sometimes on a first date, you know that it’s not right and that’s okay! You’re not going to be able to build an authentic therapeutic relationship with someone that you’re not vibing with.

• Do you have any favorite resources on talking about or destigmatizing therapy?

Noël: I actually have a great resource on decolonizing therapy. Can I share that?

Check out @decolonizingtherapy with Dr. Jennifer Mullan on Instagram 

• Absolutely! Would you like to expand a bit on decolonizing therapy?

Noël: I think that it’s really tricky especially with marginalized populations going to therapy. Sometimes you can see a therapist that is kind of perpetuating these Euro-centric ideas of what we want or need: particularly around how someone’s family might function or what is “normal” for certain groups of people. 

So circling back to finding the right therapist, seek out someone who is not making assumptions, understands that we are living in a world that is racist, homophobic, misogynistic, you name it... and understands that those dynamics can easily come into the room.

• Thank you for taking the time to talk to us today! 

Noël: It’s my pleasure! This was a really nice conversation and I’m hoping this will be a good resource for someone in the beginning phases of exploring therapy.

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We are thrilled to be welcoming Noël to our Therapy team here at PsychPhilly. If you or someone you know is interested in pursuing therapy, we’d be happy to help you get started! Visit our Therapy Services page to be paired with one of our staff therapists.